I try to Smile

My heart is heavy and trembling cold, 
Its rhythmic beat loud in my ears, 
My lips quiver as I try to smile, 
Pushing away thoughts which bring me to tears.

That rhythm falters when you turn your gaze towards me, 
I await that familiar look,  a nod, your loving smile, 
I wait for your arms to open, your eyes into mine. 

You look at me… but your mind  is far away, 
Delved into your ambitious troubles, 
Figuring out through it all, a way. 
“I’m doing this for you”, he says,  
“To take care of you when I’m gone”. 

Then why am I grieving now,  when you’re still with me.. 
Craving for your touch, your attention, your love? 
In silence I’m watching you and I’m mourning, 
I’m mourning and grieving the loss of love,  laughter and romance. 

I need your happiness so I keep silent 
As I watch you,  I wait for it, days.... months turn into years,
For your contentment , your moment, your peace 
In your happiness lies mine, I try to smile.