I try to Smile

My heart is heavy and trembling cold, 
Its rhythmic beat loud in my ears, 
My lips quiver as I try to smile, 
Pushing away thoughts which bring me to tears.

That rhythm falters when you turn your gaze towards me, 
I await that familiar look,  a nod, your loving smile, 
I wait for your arms to open, your eyes into mine. 

You look at me… but your mind  is far away, 
Delved into your ambitious troubles, 
Figuring out through it all, a way. 
“I’m doing this for you”, he says,  
“To take care of you when I’m gone”. 

Then why am I grieving now,  when you’re still with me.. 
Craving for your touch, your attention, your love? 
In silence I’m watching you and I’m mourning, 
I’m mourning and grieving the loss of love,  laughter and romance. 

I need your happiness so I keep silent 
As I watch you,  I wait for it, days.... months turn into years,
For your contentment , your moment, your peace 
In your happiness lies mine, I try to smile. 

Like A Wilting Flower

Like a wilting flower lives,
Drooping day by day,

Trying to lift, trying to smile,

With nothing more to say…

The fragrance had left its body

The charm was next to go,

The poise and youth betrayed its soul,

Vibrant colors no more.

Watching people passing by,

Not a glance they dared to throw,

Thinking back that once nearby,

It was the center show.

For happiness or despair,

For love or console,

It’s the flowers who get torn from its roots,

Left to wilt and die alone.

Sweet Summer Breeze

 Sweet summer breeze, 

Come play with my hair. 

Fragrant mix of flowers, 

Let me breathe you in. 

Soft bed of grass, 

Let me cool my tired feet. 

Bees buzz diligently in my ear, 

Birds tweet in joyful choir, 

Let me close my eyes, 

Lift me and fly me away, 

Let me be free.

 

Barren Heart

Barren Heart

    Silence.... 

....not a sound to be heard,

not a beast in sight....not even a bird.

so quiet it is as I look up the sky,

I'm filled with memories so bitter,

.... my feelings die.

As I look around me alone with my mind

it's an emptiness I see

and in my heart I find.

   This is my life, so barren and quiet,

I slipped and fell hard, 

no help in sight!

Where did they all go , 

disappeared without a trace....

the one's I loved and cared, 

all now without a face.

It's like a glass cage I'm in 
all hollow does it seem
I play my part as a puppet does,
then retreat back into my dream.
Silence....!
no thoughts to be heard,
no memories play ,
all feelings seared.

If Only You Could....

In poignant silence I await your warmth beside me,
My heart shrieks in yearning calling your name over and over,
If only you could hear....

I frantically reach out in the darkness, roused from my nightmare,
I cringe at the vacant space beside me,
If only you could care....

My heart beats fervently when I hear your footsteps walk towards me,
It pounds violently when I hear you walk away,
If only you could feel....

I'm drained of my tears which silently gush down in anguish,
I'm dying a little.....everyday,
If only you could see....

I'm tired of needing you; I'm tired of waiting,
I want to squeeze my heart till it beats no more,
before my loneliness smothers me,
If only you knew....

Shaken Out of Love

Confusion clouds over my mind
There’s something I want, but cannot find,
What is wrong, what is right?
I’m choking on love; I can feel its might.

I’m being shaken from my lovely dream,
I feel so mad, I want to scream!
Agitation makes my blood boil,
The pain I feel, is my heart in turmoil.

I loved so much, why the hate,
I cannot make the pain abate.
I fail to see what wrong I made,
My life isn't mine anymore, I can see it fade.

Waiting to Exhale...

WAITING TO EXHALE 

The sound of silence ringing in my ears,
My lips taste the saltiness of my tears,
I’m alone ,empty and I’m weeping,
I’m alive enough but barely breathing.

I need a touch , I need a smile
I need to know if u’ll stay awhile
The walls of darkness crush my hollow soul,
I need to breathe , I’m falling into a black hole,

I struggle to see, the light of the day
I can only see a dark sun, as I drift away,
I slip into nothingness I’m waiting to exhale......
help me , I want to live ,smile and breathe again.....